THE RIGHT GIFT
"The messages you send with gift giving are subject to all sorts of interpretations," explained Sue Roxburgh, associate professor of sociology at Kent State University. "The fact is, gift giving involves a sense of obligation, and there are power issues as well, especially with gender differences."
Give your lady lingerie, and she may be shocked. Give your beau a too-romantic gift, and he could bolt. With all that in mind, it'd be easy to break under the pressure. But knowing what to give your significant other - regardless of how significant - doesn't have to be that difficult.
Luckily, there are people who specialize in these types of quandaries.
Enter online dating service Match.com. Billing itself as the "worldwide leader in online dating and relationships," Match.com has become the place to go not just to find a mate but for answers to vexing dating questions, said Kathleen Roldan, spokeswoman and dating expert.
"Definitely, around the holidays that's a big question," she said of the gift giving dilemma.
The question is so frequent that the service posts some suggestions on how to handle the situation.
According to a survey done by Match.com, gift giving isn't necessarily a question of how long you've been dating. In its survey of 700 single U.S. adults, 78 percent of respondents agreed that "there is no time limit. Once you are a couple, you are present-worthy."
If you're not sure your significant other agrees with that, ask, Roldan and Roxburgh agreed.
"I think the only solution to that is to bring it out, either by dropping hints or just by asking," Roxburgh said. "You could start out by saying, 'I would like to get you something for Christmas or Hanukkah. What do you think?'"
Once you confirm that gifts are OK, prepare to do a bit of analysis. The first guideline is to think about the depth of the relationship.
Too much too soon can spell disaster, Roxburgh and Roldan agreed.
"When a man gets a woman expensive gifts right away, it's not romantic, it's creepy," Roxburgh said. "In the movies, it's always romantic, and I don't know why."
Match.com's survey reflects a similar thought. Next to not getting a gift at all, respondents, especially men, said the worst thing is receiving a gift that is too extravagant or pricey for the couple's dating status. For new couples, that may mean buying her a framed photo of you two together rather than a diamond pendant, or getting him a DVD instead of an iPod.
Roldan recommends not "going overboard" and suggests, "You want to be in line with what the other person is thinking."
"Especially in the early stages, you want something that puts the value more on the personal side than the monetary side," Roldan said.
Specifically, Roldan and her crew recommend that early on, men should stick to gifts incorporating photos, such as a framed photo or a collage of pictures of the couple, or playful stocking stuffers, such as playing cards with romantic suggestions. Women can buy their man a book in line with his hobbies, concert tickets or a money clip.
"A money clip is something you can get engraved, and it's something he'd use every day and be reminded of you," Roldan said.
Roxburgh agreed that "keeping it as modest as possible" is the way to go. But, she said, your gut may be a good predictor, too.
"I don't think there's a magic formula," Roxburgh said. "It's a combination of a set time of dating and your own perceptions of the situation."
"I think there's more of a tradition, at least in this part of America, to spend a lot on gifts. If you spend a lot, you're sending a specific message."
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