The turkey tranquilizer you ingested an hour ago is making your midsection press uncomfortably against your already unbuckled waistband and has left you feeling like a couple of dwafs: Sleepy and Dopey.No one's making a move for their car keys, and you fear that one more story from great aunt Mabel about her arduous recovery from her partial hysterectomy - 13 years ago! - might induce violent fits of felonious behavior or at least cause your eyeballs to roll to the back of your head with such force there's a good chance they will stay that way forever. What to do? Hmm.
How about a quiz! Yeah, that's it, a Thanksgiving Day quiz! Yippee!
Clear the dishes, remove the gravy-spattered table cloth, drain a glass of Alka-Seltzer and gather 'round for some family fun. We've pored through books, documents and other historical resources - OK, actually all we've done is goof around on the Internet for a day - to create a fun, interesting and educational quiz that'll stimulate your inner Myles Standish and teach you more than you ever thought necessary about a range of Thanksgiving-related topics like Pilgrims, green bean casserole and weapons of mass destruction.
1. The 1927 Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade featured its first four giant helium balloons. Three of the four were the Dragon, the Elephant and Toy Soldier. The fourth was:
A. Felix the Cat
B. Bullwinkle J. Moose
C. The Pilgrim
D. Monica Lewinsky
2. Macy's is the world's second-largest consumer of helium. The largest consumer in the world is:
A. Famous Barr
C. Cylinder Central, the "one-source solution to your compressed gas needs," of Matalapan, N.J.
D. The United States government
3. The Pilgrims celebrated the first Thanksgiving with a group of native people in the fall of 1621. Those guests were:
D. NCAA officials
4. Their leader was:
5. Who was Christopher Jones?
A. Master of the Pilgrims
B. Master of the Universe
C. Master of the Mayflower
D. Master of Disaster
6. Half of the original 102 colonists didn't last a year in the New World, mostly because of:
A. Bird flu from tainted turkey
B. Harsh conditions and inadequate medical care
C. Harsh medical care and inadequate conditions
D. Weapons of mass destruction
7. To where did the Pilgrims first flee England's stifling religious intolerance?
C. The Netherlands
D. Plymouth, Mass.
8. The Mayflower was actually one of two ships commissioned to take the colonists from England to North America. The other ship, forced to turn around because of a nasty leak, was:
C. S.S. Minnow
D. Happy Hour II
9. Which is not a name given to a variation of the green bean, condensed mushroom soup, french-fried onion concoction that is as common to Thanksgiving dinner tables as silverware (courtesy of Diana Rattray's recipe Web site at southernfood.about.com):
A. Green Bean Casserole
B. Green Bean Casserole II
C. Green Bean Supreme Casserole
D. Green Bean Casserole with corn
E. Green Bean Casserole with Gatorade Riptide Rush
10. What makes a turkey pop-up timer pop up?
A. A computer chip
B. An On-Star connection
C. An organic substance on the tip melts when a turkey reaches its target temperature
D. It's arbitrary. You didn't think it actually worked, did you?
11. Which celebrity recently wrote an op-ed piece in The New York Times comparing the Plymouth Colony Pilgrims to the Iraqi citizens who dipped their fingers in purple ink and voted?
A. Nicole Richie
B. Scooter Libby
C. Jake Gyllenhall
E. Sorry, totally made up question
12. What percentage of American households eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
A. 47 percent
B. 0.000075 percent
C. 90 percent
D. 112 percent
12. Who holds the NFL record for most rushing yards on Thanksgiving Day with 273?
A. Emmitt Smith, Dallas Cowboys, 2002
B. Barry Sanders, Detroit Lions, 1997
C. O.J. Simpson, Buffalo Bills, 1976
D. Harold "Red" Grange, Chicago Bears, 1925
13. Why have the Detroit Lions played more games on Thanksgiving (65) than any other NFL team?
A. Members of the vast majority of other teams in the league are home celebrating Thanksgiving with their families.
B. They're John Madden's favorite team, and since he has to work that day, they have to work that day.
C. Detroit stopped celebrating Thanksgiving after Dennis Rodman left the Pistons for the Chicago Bulls, so they're not really missing anything.
D. It just sort of worked out that way.
Which one of the following is on the list of the top 10 questions asked of the nice folks who answer the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line?
A. What happens to all the turkey hens?
B. Where does the meat thermometer go?
C. Miracle Whip or Hellman's for leftover sandwiches?
D. Should gravy ever be a shade of light green?
1: A. The first parade in 1924 featured no balloons but lots of live animals including camels, goats, elephants and donkeys.
2: D. Either the United States government plays host to a scandalous number of birthday parties or there is a use for helium that if we told you what it is, we would have to kill you.
3: C. The native people of southeastern Massachusetts who made an alliance with the Pilgrims were the Pokanoket, one of several sachemships of the Wampanoag, which means eastern people or people of the dawn.
4: A. Massasoit was sachem, or leader, of the Pokanoket and lived until about 1660.
5: C. Before sailing to the New World, Jones piloted the Mayflower on numerous wine runs from England to the Netherlands.
6: B. The Pilgrims were unprepared for the harsh winters of New England.
7: C. The Pilgrims' first attempt at religious freedom began in 1606 and lasted 12 years in the Netherlands. But they returned to England afraid they would face poverty in old age, and they did not want their children to grow up Dutch.
8: B. Actually, some believed the Speedwell was deliberately sabotaged so its crew wouldn't have to make the trip across the Atlantic.
9: E. Also included: Easy Green Bean Casserole With Bacon and Cheese.
10: C. When the substance melts it releases a spring, causing the easy-to-spot red plastic doohickey to pop up.
11: E. We said we were sorry. Let it go.
12: C. Duh.
13: C. Speaking of pop-ups, don't you know the NFL just loves it when O.J.'s name pops up on another record?
14: D. No one knows.
B. Um, in the meat perhaps?